How to deal with a couple’s crisis time

My husband is very involved in my Online courses, here there is the story of how those courses made us grow up a couple.

To me, and from my experience, we usually get in a relationship with some previously learned emotions to guide us to sailing on there, that happens in our online work as well, in addition to some cultural misconceptions.

We were going through a hard moment due to our “empty nest” time and he made me so happy by donating an amount of money for an English course. I was happy because he looked at me as a person and get in touch with my dreams and necessities. He knew so well that jewels are not the Wow gift I would bring. It took a while to be understood that I can get crazy in a bookshop but being indifferent in a jeweller.

 We all have our perception of women/men=stereotypes, and we behave as if the man or woman in front of us were the people we imagined due to the cultural environment and expectations.

 For two years I looked for an online course, too much annoying to catch my car for going to the main city for a f2f course. I wanted to find out an online English course in counselling, affordable with my language level. After my long research, I found the OLT Ltd. General Certificate in Online Counselling Skills. I have quickly read and the word online didn’t tell me anything if not that the course was online. Then, I started the course with a great curiosity, excitement and a bit of worry, not last that misunderstanding!

 In immediately fell in love with the online work and with the training course. Because of how they manage their courses by professionality, empathy, a great amount of experience and a lot of educational backgrounds, not last, what in Italy we call “buon senso”, good sense, a rare sense by now. Those beginning days could have been very discomforting for me, a bit down for the flu and the computer out of work. I was able to communicate with them only by my mobile, a very reducing way. But the tutor’s attitude has been so holding that I felt I wasn’t alone in facing that troubles. I was well surprised by her and I understood what a tutor should be.

During that time our couple life was really upset: if prior I didn’t go to turn on my computer, then I was always in front of my pc or on my mobile which was used to be forgotten everywhere with the consequence to make him a bit angry due to never get replies by me. If I wasn’t sitting in my counselling studio, I was studying all the documents I have to read, in my spare time after f2f work and housekeeping.

There could be the danger that unconsciously I let him out of my great online experience because it absorbed all my concentration and passion. My husband runs his own company, a cleaning agency, so he hasn’t a daily routine because every day changes in relation to clients’ requests, to workers sometimes the weather. We usually meet at lunch, we are Italian you know, and chat a little bit, then we two do our stuff. Lately, in the evening we have a long dinner and we chat about everything.

During the courses, I make him participate in my online life and encouraged him to share his thoughts about what I was living and meanwhile he was interested in understanding what was happening in my life.

I noticed that the OLT courses make me grow up as a person first and then as a practitioner. The empathy and the comprehension of others we breathe in those courses allowed me to to get in his shoes and he tried the same. I think of his willingness to understand the new partner/wife he was discovering: almost an online addicted! It was such a big news that our start has been a little troubled: we discussed for the use of the studio which we share, still now, or because I forgot to do some housekeeping for example.

To be honest, now I think that our life also was upset due to the time we were living: we weren’t parents, or at least not in a f2f way because our girls lived abroad, so we became a couple. In our case a man and a woman, adults but still enough young to live a new life. That was the crisis we went through and it took time to be clarified and elaborated. Not last the surprising fact to be just ourselves and not so involved in our family management enabled us to look at the person we have with us, almost a foreigner one at that time.

The last year we went to India for a lovely marriage and we travelled on an amazing tourist trip around Kerala. With the complicity of our tourist guide, we stopped at a carpet company, where at last they offered some beautiful carpets at good prices, according to them the good of course. I liked two of them for our bedroom, but my husband replied that he would prefer to donate me a course instead of those because he knows very well that housekeeping isn’t in my priority list, unfortunately. Yes, he has a lot of patience! 😉

If during the first course I was committed to this second one I was so fascinated, and also this time I fell in love with supervision. As a couple we faced a new engaging challenge because this one was so very interesting and enjoyable, it needed so much time to do all the requested stuff that we were another time in front of a new step in our couple life. My husband surprised me with some new attitude, for example towards the housekeeping stuff; he always went to the grocery for shopping and he didn’t disclaim for something not being done, for example, his unfindable socks (ops). But I was very present in our short time together or we booked some couple appointments for spending time together.

Along the course, I understood the meaning of the word “respect” and “distance” that make people become close and respectful as we couple became a new couple, not always eh!

I learned as a couple, independently from sex gender, functions as a working couple, speaking from a practitioner point of view, of course:

– we need a safe space right for us, and time for being on there;

– we need to be grounded to the person who is in front of us, even an online front;

– we need to be aware of our prejudgments and stereotypes that affect our perception towards the person;

– we need to have an honest and good enough relationship with ourselves because we must understand our feelings firstly to not confusing those with our clients’ /supervisees’ ones;

– we need to be there as a person and as a practitioner to give our clients/supervisees our time and attention at here and now;

– we need creativity for going out to the dynamic spiral of past experiences to be opened to a new one, step by step at the right time;

– we all need a good relationship/environment for holding our growing up, as OLT was for me that enables us to improve our personal qualities, as the same in a good online working relationship;

– we need a disponibility to a change: we should be at our right time for that, if we were not it doesn’t happen, as in a counselling/supervising relationship;

– we need a willingness to let go of the past, to keep a distance from what we lived previously, but for that, we need the whole described above, likewise in a working alliance for getting as much as possible to give our clients our best practice. In a couple to give ourselves and the other the best time in our life together and if we would understand that life is in its last time we should be honest to admit our own feelings, as a practitioner in a supervision session.

The importance of a positive and holding relationship has been described by important colleagues in the past, but when we touched a fact by our hands, that has all a different meaning for us. I was able to grow up not only as a person and as a practitioner but also as a partner in our couple which enabled my husband to grow up himself.

I told him about my article, and he was surprised by my attention, so he was pleased and agreed with my way to live our couple. Due to all described, my husband became a great supporter of OLT Ltd. Courses! J

Ps. Unfortunately, they don’t pay me for this article!

Pubblicato da Dalila Bellometti

I am a counsellor and a supervisor, working online via emails, webcam and I.M. chats. I am passionate to help you to have better relationships in your life. I help counsellors to give their best practice to their clients and to feel comfortable in their work. Sono una counsellor e un supervisore di counsellors, lavoro sia in studio che online, utilizando emails, webcam e piattaforme per messaggi istantanei. La mia passione è aiutare le persone ad instaurare relazioni positive nella loro vita. Collaboro con i counsellors per far sì che possano lavorare al meglio delle loro capacità umane e professionali e li supporto nel loro lavoro.

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